An Awakening Wanderer

General discussion about the Elder Race, Life, the Universe and Everything.
T'Shilah

Thank you Sylph

Post by T'Shilah » Sun Jun 19, 2005 9:45 am

WarmSylph wrote:T'sh, no worries, take your time to sort. We'll check back when we've the time. No rush.


_A
Perhaps the events and my dreams of last night will be a good response for what all you beautiful Souls wrote to me.

This is actually the second time I wrote it as the first time I had been logged out unaware and in sending lost it all. lol
Maybe I said something you should not hear in it? :wink:

Dave and I have had a love/fear relationship until very recently when he realized finally that I am what I have always told him I am. He's a Neanderthal that time jumped somehow to this day and age. (tongue in cheek) He has made it his personal job to bring me to my knees for daring to say I am connected to the Creator in ways that he is not. Or for saying I know something to be the way it is. In some ways this has been good for my awakening and in others it has kept me repressed. Well no more! I told him point blank that I Do Know More and Am More Aware than he is and that I must follow through on what I am here for. I asked for his help and support in communicating with him. He agreed to this finally, after so much cynicism and anger and rudeness.

Last night we were discussing the person who called and apologized to me. I told him that people beat against me until the light and love flow out to them illuminating the reflection they then see in the mirror that is me. It is then they realize they are actually beating against themselves.

I told him that for me, being in this body is like jumping into a Big Rig truck for the first time and knowing you have to make it move the whole time you are being beat up in everyway. Then you have to grow spiritually on top of that so you can awaken.

Just before bed I read him the first reference to Wanderers in the Law of One Books, by Ra. It described things I told Dave the day we decided to start our relationship. That I was a catalyst, a mirror, that I just "knew" things and that I could connect directly to the Creator. Also that when others attempt to hurt me they wound up rapidly paying for it karmically, which he has seen happen to at least three women friends he had that refused to let me just live my life with him. So far 2 have called to say they finally understood based on what they had experienced since then. I told him of many other things and he was always dismissive as though he was sure he would be feeding an ego in me (that by then didn't have the strength to whimper let alone roar).

He held deep resentment toward me for daring to hint that I was enlightened and that is only one of the reasons for the fear and anger that ensued. Obviously I was not acting spiritually awake. Imagine the crow he has been eating since we found the Ra material. LOL

Well, that wasn't nice on my part but it is necessary that you understand what my life has been to understand where I am now. Dave is a professional seeker who refuses to see truth much of the time because it would mean the end of the game of seeking. He feels that if he is not enlightened, nobody is unless they can do miracles that are obvious. He tried to push me into TRV for use on the Dow and actually had me in a warped emotional contest wrapped up in his favor with one of the women mentioned before I realized it and pulled out. Then we went to battle in earnest.

He has made great progress since and is becoming aware of himself, though he at times, still tries to berate me if I don't believe one path or other that he is studying. (This comes out in the dream I'll relate in a moment.)

I began wishing, as a child, that people would just wake up and love so all the pain in the world would go away and everyone would see the Creator the way I did. I soaked up spiritual information like a sponge. I started insisting on church at 5 yrs old and then by 12 was thoroughly fed up with the lies. To the point of chewing one Pastor out.

I felt driven to learn everything I could and was always falling short of fitting in so I discovered that by hiding part of myself I could fit in long enough to catch my breath. Then I would be in real trouble in the Negative Polarity.

(I tend to get overwhelmed at times, by the sheer relief of finding people who can understand at least somewhat what it feels like to be a Wanderer. Reading and listening to Ra. Hearing your replies to my presence among you. Wanting so much to fit in but terrified of going the wrong direction, for when you finally get it, you are weary from all the beatings. )

Feeling that you must owe the Universe an enormous debt. Beating yourself up for not being able to pull yourself out of the YUCK you found yourself in, let alone anyone else.

(Lonebear – I think this is where some believe they have Fallen, but that is because we have been taught that what goes around comes around. That is a third density error, not one from the place I came from. Until I understood that all the things that happened to me were simply reactions to me, the mirror, I thought I must have done something horrible in a past life.)

Knowing in my heart and soul, with every bit of my being, that I had to do something, and I wanted to. So badly I mourned, feeling somehow responsible for the chaos. (Now I understand that I am responsible for channeling the light and love of the One, the Creator – thereby helping others to see truth, not responsible for what they do while negatively polarized.) Praying everyone would wake up and love and not knowing really how I knew that. Feeling alienated. So very shy of opening up to trust for these people who more or less shunned me. Loving them anyway and seeing, further, how different I was. Them seeing me as a great and passive foot mat. Getting angry every time I so quickly let them know I was not, by refusing to play the game with them and by my grace, my unconditional love for them. Hearing their thoughts, feeling their feelings and knowing the things they were doing behind my back but not seeing clearly enough at times to address it. Personal confusion and self doubt creeping in to paralyze me. Then, using all my energy to throw that mantle off, knowing it was not truth.

Moving on from place to place. Person to person. Physical Love to Physical Love. Never understanding why these creative, intelligent, passionate and strong human beings could so easily dismiss Real Love. Not understanding what caused all the darkness in them. I glowed with light and love at times, knowing it was going to them but not understanding why. Did I owe God for the favor he did in healing me? Some of those people hurt me. Seemingly for daring to love them.

I'm in a relationship right now that is like that. He claims he has been self serving 95% of his life and now he is at least making an attempt to be positive in polarization. He switches so rapidly back and forth and then when the negative takes hold, it's like he feeds off it and holds on to it like a dog on a bone.

(Some might say that he should maintain that self service as he is here to be the balance. I say that is rubbish. Sorry if that’s offensive. It is truth. All are here to grow and All need to connect to the light and love. It is simply laziness and self protection that causes us to steer clear of those who are self serving instead of helping them. They come to us for the light and love, too. Dave is proving that to me, as have others. It is in helping them see truth that we who are more aware keep growing. The lightening of the planet cannot happen if we ignore this. Don’t ask me how I know this if my explanation above is not enough. Go inside to see it or ask Ra. It is simply truth to me. )

I keep loving him and he has come a tremendous distance but he keeps reverting. If I don't agree with whatever he says at those times, I'm supposedly causing an argument. Then he purposely says things he knows I will not be able to agree with. If I confront that behavior, he becomes surly for awhile but eventually acknowledges, in some small measure, that it is not me causing it. If I do not confront it, he allows his anger to grow until he nearly destroys us. He does state that he has been closed a long time since his ex-wife cheated on him. I know he is afraid.

I know that this lesson is mine to do but sometimes it seems as though it is killing me inside and it's hard to hold to the light and love then, though I welcome the challenge to connect even more with the Creator energy. I also know it is a way of honing my skills and understanding for interaction with others.

I realized from a dream the other night that I hid a large portion of myself when I came to live with Dave, so I could fit into his world. I can no longer do that and I retrieved that part of myself. Then the place we were in was re-modeled in a flash.

In the same dream I was nearly stampeded by horses when a colt (an innocent) came to the front and slammed into a wall of what I believe was light and love energy and fell at my feet stunned. The others stopped and turned away. (I had been asking how to fulfill my goal here. Now I know they will come to me along with everyone else and they will stay while the others go their own way.)

Then there was a dream that I had a phone that went much deeper into the inner but I can't seem to remember it. I had the thought after waking, that the phone worked. That's when I told Dave that I didn't need to search in every direction because my phone already works.

It seems to anger him that I make these statements and he gets distant if I say I don't want to do what he does. This is constant challenge for me. One rejection after another. I understand though that he is just afraid and when I apologize for offering him confusion (by refusing to participate in a negative polarity), he wakes a little more or at the very least becomes more loving. I know his self serving ego sees this as capitulation on my part but I also know his Soul is then more able to reach his physical mind, as I still refuse to participate. Then the challenge becomes his within him-self.

As for channeling, I tried that once as a young teen and had a REALLY bad experience. It was on a dare from a couple friends after I tried to contact Ben Franklin and a misty shape formed in a doorway. While in trance I was strapped face up on a roller coaster flatbed. When I got to the bottom a man in black tried to strangle me to death. I barely got out of that one.

I may attempt to channel Ra at some point but not right now. I’m not stable enough at this point though that is changing rapidly.

I have been hypnotized in the past for memory of UFO experiences. Nothing seemed quite right about it though I have had some experiences I remember. Oddly enough the tapes, from two different sessions with two different hypnotists, were incomprehensible when replayed. One had only static on it. The other was video/audio and nobody could really make the images out. It also was full of static.

I have no objections to being hypnotized for past life search but not for the purpose of determining my Wanderer Status. I know I am a Wanderer as I fit every single detail of that profile and know in my heart and soul the truth of it. I’m not altogether certain that Wanderers don’t come here more than once. I have had three or four dreams that may be past lives. One was a dream within a dream. Three were of ancient Egypt and very spiritual in nature. One was ancient Native American. The Native American was about being fought over for marriage and one Egyptian dream was about being asked to marry, which I turned down in favor of continuing my studies at the Temple. One dream was Egypt or someplace like it, also ancient, in which I was a young girl from a noble or high status. There was an attack and I was in charge of getting all the children and elders to safety. I had a huge black guardian to help me.

I wonder if those dreams were simply symbology to awaken me. The dream within a dream was dreaming I was watching a little boy on the banks of the Nile as he looked out at a mound offshore and seeing scarabs in the water around the mound. Then going into a dream where I was shown a museum of sorts, that was in a cave with glass front cubicles strange things were in. One had a blue haired dog.

I feel more and more that the nodes on the crown I mentioned are for connecting Wanderers in some way. I feel driven to do that and wish there were a Wanderer’s Forum here. Is that possible?

I would also like to create, with them, a Wanderer’s symbol that we could maintain to recognize each other as each is shown to be a true Wanderer by their recognition of who they are.

We need to unite. To help those Wanderers who are lost. We need a place to communicate and grow and become stronger. I know I am helped tremendously by your light and love and know other Wanderers are, too. But I also know we need a Forum specifically dedicated to helping us awaken more.

Will you help with this?

Alluvion
Legatus Legionis
Legatus Legionis
Posts: 1125
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 12:37 pm

Re: Thank you Sylph

Post by Alluvion » Sun Jun 19, 2005 11:16 am

T'Sh,

it definately seems like you proccur much catalyst with your interactions with others. Especially your partner dave. I wanted to share two basic thoughts I have in response to your post: really ask yourself what service is, true service can only be rendered to the extent requested and it seems like dave might have different truths than you. Can you love him even with his choices? And as for being a mirror for others, this is totally accurate. But they are also mirrors for you - the pain in them is the pain in you, the darkness in them is the darkness in you, the misunderstandings in them are the misunderstandings in you. And perfection is a star of an ideal, useful for guiding one across the sea but not accesible from that path. Your posts are heaving with intensity and thats well and good, but are you doing anything to ground this energy? Like an aerobic system, meditative system or yoga? Thank you for your continued posts T'sh.

_A

T'Shilah

Re: Grounding

Post by T'Shilah » Sun Jun 19, 2005 12:41 pm

WarmSylph wrote:T'Sh,

it definately seems like you proccur much catalyst with your interactions with others. Especially your partner dave. I wanted to share two basic thoughts I have in response to your post: really ask yourself what service is, true service can only be rendered to the extent requested and it seems like dave might have different truths than you. Can you love him even with his choices? And as for being a mirror for others, this is totally accurate. But they are also mirrors for you - the pain in them is the pain in you, the darkness in them is the darkness in you, the misunderstandings in them are the misunderstandings in you. And perfection is a star of an ideal, useful for guiding one across the sea but not accesible from that path. Your posts are heaving with intensity and thats well and good, but are you doing anything to ground this energy? Like an aerobic system, meditative system or yoga? Thank you for your continued posts T'sh.

_A
Good Morning Sylph,

Yes, I am grounding with meditation on a continous basis, reconnecting with the light and love and letting it flow through me the way it used to. Continously throughout the day.

You are absolutely right in everything you say here. I understand those things and welcome now the catalyst for that reason. For both of us involved. For ALL of us.

What I told Dave this morning is that we need to respect and unconditionally love each other without judging. We need to accept that each of us is on their own right path. Without anger or frustration or withdrawal. Sometimes what I learn helps him, by his choice and vs. I have always given him the option of not having this relationship when he has been at the most negative. He always chooses to stay. He also said he believes I am there to help his heart to reopen, though he has fought it, he grows and awakens. And yes, though at times I feel Ego trying to take root again in anger and fear, I love him and accept him without judgement. I do, however, discern when he is attempting to bring me to my knees to further a negative on his part and I address those issues and he is working on them because he wants to do so.

I have always known these things and lived them when being a catalyst without understanding why, and when not under the darkness of self doubt.

Dave has chosen to learn and, in fact, when I took a stand and said, "No more negatives with or from me!" He took a stand and began seeking meditation and found LL Research. That was how I came to realize who I really am and why I am here.

I am refocusing and awakening so rapidly that it is hard not to sound idealistic when everything I'm relearning is idealistic because that is what we are all working toward, Wanderers especially since we must be as pure light and love as possible and I remember from my childhood, the frame of mind necessary for this. Though I do understand what I told Dave this morning and because of what I learned with him, I do not judge anymore (95% of the time :roll: ). Of course recieving the message, to judge no one, not even myself, helps. :D How can I truly judge another when I percieve, at this time, a need for forgiveness and that is so bountiful for me. How can I not give that. Of course I'm not perfect though, yet. So I do become frustrated until I incorporate what I learn as I go. I am learning to replace that with light and love again.


For a Wanderer, those ideals are very accessible and I thought about my previous post and realized that probably only a Wanderer can know or think like a Wanderer does. I need to be more careful about how I relate what I know. I still sometimes get frustrated by not being able to just show that which I know in words. I also need to learn to just be light and love and forget about words at the right times. :oops:


Thank you so much, all of you, who are staying with me on this. Your input has been warming and loving and I sorely need that.

T'Shilah

Apology

Post by T'Shilah » Sun Jun 19, 2005 1:50 pm

I apologize to anyone who I may have been too harsh with in my recent post.

After three years of literally being persecuted for daring to think I might have any level of enlightenment, I am rather sensitive about what I have finally come to realize I am.

I know I need to respond with light and love instead of being dogmatic. For me that is harsh. I know what I know and to communicate it other than bluntly is difficult for me.

Please forgive me if you feel I need it and please don't stop communicating. I need you more than ever.

User avatar
LoneBear
Legatus Legionis
Legatus Legionis
Posts: 3943
Joined: Thu Jul 22, 2004 12:38 am
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Contact:

Re: An Awakening Wanderer

Post by LoneBear » Sun Jun 19, 2005 6:44 pm

Well, T'Shilah, it sounds like you are coming to an understanding of just WHO you are, WHERE you fit in to things, WHAT you have to offer for service to others, and HOW you can go about doing it. That only leaves the "biggie"... WHY.

As to a Wanderer's forum, there is http://www.bring4th.org which is the Wanderer's website for the Ra Material. I am a moderator on that site, too, but the posts, themselves, are not moderated. There have been some real problems with some nasty people, and since it is a public forum, people can post anonymously so there is no accountability.

Since we've had a lot of 'hacker' problems on Bring4th, we are thinking of starting up a new forum on the lawof1.org site to replace it, more along the lines of the Antiquatis forum. If you would be interested in moderating a Wanderer forum there, I'll start uploading the forum software and setting things up.

As for the "superiority complex" thing... well, everyone tends to go thru that in one form or another when they start to discover who they actually are. But it is like a hologram... everyone has a unique view of the Universe, but it is still contains the entire Creator within it. Even Neanderthal Dave just has a different view than you, neither superior nor inferior. And it sounds like Dave is one of the Elder Race, so he might just be a "confused Ancient". Perhaps you need to help him come to terms with his colorful heritage?

User avatar
dbeaman1
Centurio
Centurio
Posts: 197
Joined: Sun Feb 06, 2005 6:41 pm
Location: missouri

Re: Apology

Post by dbeaman1 » Sun Jun 19, 2005 7:04 pm

T'Shilah wrote:I apologize to anyone who I may have been too harsh with in my recent post.

I must have missed something. While reading your posts, the word harsh never entered my mind.
As I mentioned before, these guys are great. Never have they been unkind to me, no matter what strange things I have shared with them. You are safe here, T. :D
oma

T'Shilah

Re: Apology

Post by T'Shilah » Sun Jun 19, 2005 10:15 pm

dbeaman1 wrote:
T'Shilah wrote:I apologize to anyone who I may have been too harsh with in my recent post.

I must have missed something. While reading your posts, the word harsh never entered my mind.
As I mentioned before, these guys are great. Never have they been unkind to me, no matter what strange things I have shared with them. You are safe here, T. :D
Tears are in my eyes as I write this. You touched my heart with your response. Never have I felt so accepted and so free in this existence. The only place I've felt it more is on the inner.

I've been mulling over why I felt so uncomfortable and realize a great deal of it has to do with what I believe Carla said she went through when she discovered what she really was doing here.

The relief is so intense and I vacilate between deep flowing love, hurt for all that I've suffered needlessly (except for the lessons learned) and anger at being so used. I think my ego is in it's final death throes (or agonizing over being subdued and controlled if one chooses to see it that way).

So much of what I'm learning and feeling is so intensely beautiful that I want to give more. Thank the Creator that I have learned discernment and how to take a stand the right way. Humble, serving, loving and radiating light without giving myself up for the sacrifice to egos. I believe I've learned how to teach even the strongest egotist how to let go and let love.

By asking for forgiveness and standing my ground quietly, doing only what is right and in keeping with the law of the Creator. Then I can relax and let love and light flow. It's starting to be there more often than not now. I don't want to slow down but try not to be too perfect to enjoy life as well.

Thank you again,

T'Shilah

Re: Death of Ego

Post by T'Shilah » Sun Jun 19, 2005 11:58 pm

RA: One meets the self in the center or in the deeps of the being. It is analogous to the burial and resurrection of the body wherein the entity dies to self and, through this confrontation of apparent loss and realization of essential gain, is transmuted into a new and risen being.

This is what I mean by death of Ego. For me it is necessary to fully purify and become a clear channel for the Light and Love.

I was always the one people expected to give more than anyone else. Though it hurt to be alone and to feel so responsible, even in the minds of others, now I understand. I made this choice and came here to do exactly that, only now I can do it with wisdom and awareness, L/L.

Alluvion
Legatus Legionis
Legatus Legionis
Posts: 1125
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 12:37 pm

Re: An Awakening Wanderer

Post by Alluvion » Mon Jun 20, 2005 3:44 pm

hi T'sh,
that overflowing emotion sounds nice! right from the heart eh?
Your posts have actually illuminated something for me that before I did not realize. I use the tarot to study mind/body/spirit relationships at different scales and I have come to know the 'judgement' trump as restitution, or rebirth - ra calls this card, essentially, the transformation of spirit. I thought that restitution described the evolution of the spirit but I beleive instead what you have said about the death and rebirth of the ego, to the call of spirit, is much more truthfull. It also fits in with my intuitions about the evoluationary nature of our ego and instincts - in that trump an archangle blows the trumpet of the christian 'final judgement' and all rise from their graves or 'earthly prison' towards heaven. I had placed the notions of spirit with those figures rising from the earth, when instead those figures represent the mind and its shells or components. The spirit is that figure of immortal countenance which calls those facets of the self towards higher awareness, wisdom and love. Thank you very much!

_A

T'Shilah

Re: An Awakening Wanderer

Post by T'Shilah » Mon Jun 20, 2005 10:21 pm

hi T'sh,
that overflowing emotion sounds nice! right from the heart eh?
How can I say in words the utter joy I feel in being able to feel from my heart again. Part of my lesson was to realize that shutting love out really isn't a good thing to do. LOL I fully believed I came within a hair of losing myself until about 3 months ago. I am just beginning to remember that that is not possible. No matter how far I went, The Creator and my guide and angels were there for me.
Your posts have actually illuminated something for me that before I did not realize.


Sylph, thank you for sharing this with me. My heart overflowed and the tears poured again when I realized that even now, I can still make a difference in favor of the truth and the L/L of the One.
I use the tarot to study mind/body/spirit relationships at different scales and I have come to know the 'judgement' trump as restitution, or rebirth - ra calls this card, essentially, the transformation of spirit. I thought that restitution described the evolution of the spirit but I beleive instead what you have said about the death and rebirth of the ego, to the call of spirit, is much more truthfull.


Have you any idea of the rejoicing within the Creator when someone "gets" this idea as you have done. It is the key to understanding what Ego has really done here. Ego feeds fear with visions of lack within the unaware. Fear and Love cannot coexist any more than Light and Darkness can. To see that it is Ego that needs to make the transition from Negative to Positive Polarity (or die and be reborn as a tool for spirit as it was meant to be - being nothing more in truth than our personality) is a miracle, for as I said before, in so many words, it is difficult to see truth through the eyes of what would hide truth from us. You have made the angels cheer.
It also fits in with my intuitions about the evoluationary nature of our ego and instincts - in that trump an archangle blows the trumpet of the christian 'final judgement' and all rise from their graves or 'earthly prison' towards heaven. I had placed the notions of spirit with those figures rising from the earth, when instead those figures represent the mind and its shells or components.
There are almost no words that can describe my joy in reading this. Soul is perfect. There is no error there anymore than error here is real. There are only different levels of dreaming/thought. Soul is creating, practicing, if you will. That is all. Learning. This is oversimplified but it is the best I can do at the moment.
The spirit is that figure of immortal countenance which calls those facets of the self towards higher awareness, wisdom and love. Thank you very much!
Exactly, like Ra as a complex. and thank you for giving me the opportunity to let the Light and Love flow through me to reach you.


Note: after reading this to Dave he asked me, "How then, does karma fit into this picture?"

The closest I can come to an explanation, in words, is that Soul is creating Soul. Ego is like a baby soul that learns to be a Soul or as you say, a piece of Soul as Soul is a piece of the One. Ultimately part of the Creator through the "Soul" that created it. Ego learns learns truth after it reaches positive polarity and it begins to allow Soul to flow through it to guide it to higher awareness, realizing it's "oneness" with Soul. As the Creator gives Soul free will to create, so Soul gives Ego free will.

Another addition here: there are hints everywhere of the patterns that correlate with the higher densities. Ra is part of a social memory complex (did I say it right?) that is perhaps made up of that Soul's many lives. A complex of "enlightened egos" or multiple personalities of Q'uo? I'm onto something here on the inner and am trying to give it as it comes out so I can see it better and have input on it as well. I am learning.

The Creator, being perfect, is not static. the One grows and loves and lights the way.

Again oversimplified but the best I can do at the moment.

T'Shilah

Explanation

Post by T'Shilah » Wed Jun 22, 2005 9:49 am

I hope everyone here understands that I am fluctuating between what I'm having to deal with in my relationship (and it's the most intense learning curve I've ever experienced for Spiritual growth, for myself and Dave) and Spiritual openness (in which I am operating from a point in the inner that is flooding me with information and awarenesses).

In reading what I've written I'm aware that if the above is not understood, I could potentially sound condescending. I wish you to know that nothing could be further from the truth. My heart is overflowing with love and joy in seeing Spiritual growth in anyone, even myself.

I feel like I did as a young mother with two babies, 21 credits a quarter in college and two part time jobs. I was having to learn how to exist in this density at the same time I had to try to teach my children how to exist in this density. Now I have to give what I learn as I learn it and let it flow continously, growing day by day. I'm trying to avoid error with a bit more wisdom than I had for my children.

I feel like a Mother/Mirror/Catalyst for everyone and always have. I've always known certain truths and been able to see clearly why they are in place. I've always felt that on a growth oriented level I know too much for people to be comfortable around me though they have used that to their advantage. As I said, I remember coming here. I just remembered about a month or two ago, just two or three weeks before hearing about Ra. When Dave started reading me the Ra material, I was stunned because Ra was saying everything I was always telling people.

I felt validated finally. There really is a purpose for me being here and all the wacky conflicts were and always have been for the reasons I believed they were. The self doubt is fading away and the confidence is growing. On the other hand, the conflicts in my relationship have been keeping me in sporadic turmoil, as Dave and I both grow. He is learning to give instead of serving self ( you should hear some of our intense and enlightening conversations on that) and I am learning to stand up for truth and the positive polarity without fear of lack (that is the last ego thread for me - fear of being alone). Now I am beginning to see I am never alone again.

The fear is dropping away and in doing so leaves me free to interact with Dave from a clearer perspective. I am relearning love with detachment from emotion. This has been my lesson since the day so long ago when I decided not to love anymore because I confused Creator love with third density love at that point in time.

In learning this and seeing so many reflections of humanity in Dave, I am learning to give unconditionally of the light and love of Creator. I am also learning that in order to facilitate growth around me, I must emotionally detach and stand my ground for truth, without fear of alienation. How more alienated can I get after all, as a Wanderer? LOL

This is how Self servers become of service to others. This is also how Self servers learn to become Servers.

All of your responses have been generous of Spirit and I know it is safe to communicate here. Thank you.

Alluvion
Legatus Legionis
Legatus Legionis
Posts: 1125
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 12:37 pm

Re: An Awakening Wanderer

Post by Alluvion » Wed Jun 22, 2005 2:43 pm

hi T'sh,
objectivity about a passion flowing through oneself is difficult to learn definately helps one to feel and experience without attachment, expectation and as little distortion as possible. You'ev not come across as condescendin in any of your posts and I appreciate when people can openly and freely express negation, disagreement from a position of acceptance and equanimity - diversity and difference interacting and creating from a place of unity and inclusion, rather than a place of seperation which says no new connections or understanding can occur.

As for karma, what exactley was dave referring to from my post?

_A

T'Shilah

Re: An Awakening Wanderer

Post by T'Shilah » Wed Jun 22, 2005 4:02 pm

hi T'sh,
objectivity about a passion flowing through oneself is difficult to learn definately helps one to feel and experience without attachment, expectation and as little distortion as possible.
So true Sylph,
I feel as though I have purposely been put through a meat grinder emotionally. I started out the first 18 years practically glowing inside. Even through beatings and rapes. I stayed Positive Polarized. Then the onslaught began in earnest.

I was just reading more Ra material a little earlier and the references to the Orion Group and UFO contact. I've had those contacts my whole life until about 6 or 7 years ago. I remembered as a 7 year old becoming furious with "them" for betraying me. This came out in hypnosis. I've had a very violent interaction with them in my own home (that was the last contact I remember). There were bruises on my arm and a puncture mark where blood would be drawn. I also had pinch marks around my eyes and ever since, one eyelid has drooped slightly. There was blood in my nose and a long, thin, angular mark in blood on the top corner of my top sheet. There was also a fine spray of blood elsewhere.

Just remembering little things does enough damage to self confidence, knowing that you have no control over what happens to you and are just a pawn for someone. Let alone things like the last incident.

Then, it sounds like fear but isn't, it's like the men in my life have become one to the next, more devious and self serving and I've been feeling that something is intent on breaking me. I've met each with the most positive attitude possible and just loved to the best of my ability. I can't seem to shake that feeling but believe that I am getting closer to ending it with Dave. Not the relationship but the intent I've been feeling. He is starting to sway more and more away from self serving to being service oriented. It for all the world feels like a backfire on someone. Is that crazy or what?

I feel as though I've been purposely kept off balance and now am coming full circle back to Positive Polarity.
It is taking enormous control to stay detached in the face of things happening now but I know I must just love and let L/L flow. When I do and can see that Negative Polarity causes one to believe they can hurt me but realize myself that it is impossible, I can address issues without fear.
This facilitates learning/growth in Dave and others and for me as well.
You'ev not come across as condescendin in any of your posts and I appreciate when people can openly and freely express negation, disagreement from a position of acceptance and equanimity - diversity and difference interacting and creating from a place of unity and inclusion, rather than a place of seperation which says no new connections or understanding can occur.
Bless you, Sylph. This is the one area I've been reamed for. If my opinion differs from Dave's, he becomes angry enough to retaliate by distancing himself and dishing out heaping portions of icy sarcasm. He is beginning to see this also, only because I point it out to him without anger. He thinks/or used to, that if what he did, no matter what it was, caused no adversity in his life then all was ok. Being self serving, particularly with women, sensuality and an aversion to acknowledging any need for me, you can imagine what I've been through and had to overcome Negative Polarity in the face of.
As for karma, what exactley was dave referring to from my post?
Well, it was both your post and my response. I don't think he really sees Soul as distinct from Ego. In one way, when the pieces pull together, he is right, as you said, "The spirit is that figure of immortal countenance which calls those facets of the self towards higher awareness, wisdom and love.", but in another, as Soul is perfect and part of the Creator, he doesn't see that perhaps Ego is the reincarnator. Or that perhaps it is the same Soul many times with different Egos in different lives, like what I believe the Ra complex to be.

I can't really explain it right, Iam only just beginning to get a glimmer of this concept from the inner.

He prefers, I think, to believe the same Soul and the same Ego is in each life and they both have to reincarnate together because Soul is bad. To him that seems to mean you get to come back and take what you want over and over again and nothing can really happen to you so why try to change it. He is, like I said, beginning to see a different way of looking at this.

I just find it very energy consuming to deal with and sometimes it is hard to just love while he waffles. Though, as Lonebear said and as I said above that I believe, Dave is part of my Mission here and somehow I feel the balance, at least in me is dependent upon me succeeding with him. Whether it be to learn more in order to help others more, and/or learning to love unconditionally again completely, or whatever the result is to be.

Reference mentioned:
Note: after reading this to Dave he asked me, "How then, does karma fit into this picture?"

The closest I can come to an explanation, in words, is that Soul is creating Soul. Ego is like a baby soul that learns to be a Soul or as you say, a piece of Soul as Soul is a piece of the One. Ultimately part of the Creator through the "Soul" that created it. Ego learns learns truth after it reaches positive polarity and it begins to allow Soul to flow through it to guide it to higher awareness, realizing it's "oneness" with Soul. As the Creator gives Soul free will to create, so Soul gives Ego free will.

Alluvion
Legatus Legionis
Legatus Legionis
Posts: 1125
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 12:37 pm

Re: An Awakening Wanderer

Post by Alluvion » Thu Jun 23, 2005 8:08 pm

LB,
ok, makes sense. I'm satisfied!

thanks!
_Adam

T'Shilah

LOL - Sorry

Post by T'Shilah » Thu Jun 23, 2005 8:55 pm

WarmSylph wrote:LB,
ok, makes sense. I'm satisfied!

thanks!
_Adam
I am so sorry. I'm a writer and tend to get carried away with how everything works.
I'll try not to do that. Just send a glare next time. OK? :roll:

User avatar
BlueEagle
Centurio
Centurio
Posts: 228
Joined: Mon Aug 16, 2004 7:33 pm
Location: Colorado
Contact:

Re:

Post by BlueEagle » Thu Jun 23, 2005 10:10 pm

I have not said much, well, anything really. Firstly, I would like to thank you for your contribution to all of us, as I have found your posts to be truly insightful.
I am so sorry. I'm a writer and tend to get carried away with how everything works.
I'll try not to do that. Just send a glare next time. OK?
Just something I’ve learned while here; embrace what your heart wants to write. In my case, my heart usually tends to be more right than my mind. :)

A question, which entity Ego or Soul does the learning? How I understand it, they both do, but the Soul chooses the next incarnation, because the Ego is a facet of our development into this density, and not necessarily able to see what is truly needed due to “ego”. Insights?

Blue

User avatar
dbeaman1
Centurio
Centurio
Posts: 197
Joined: Sun Feb 06, 2005 6:41 pm
Location: missouri

my 2 cents worth

Post by dbeaman1 » Fri Jun 24, 2005 8:39 am

My understanding is ego is a manifestation of the physical self, and not apparent in the non-physical entity, unless the physical entity has chosen to so identify with the ego, that it carries it's essence into the non-physical state. Ego therefore is a result of the incarnation into the physical realm.

deb/Q.

User avatar
dbeaman1
Centurio
Centurio
Posts: 197
Joined: Sun Feb 06, 2005 6:41 pm
Location: missouri

Re:

Post by dbeaman1 » Fri Jun 24, 2005 8:56 am

BlueEagle wrote:
Just something I’ve learned while here; embrace what your heart wants to write. In my case, my heart usually tends to be more right than my mind. :)
yep, me too.
BlueEagle wrote:A question, which entity Ego or Soul does the learning?
As we understand, soul already knows, it is ego that strives to re-join with the One. However, in actuality, we have never left the One, and all this could be said to be an illusion created by the ego, for it's own viewing pleasure :lol:

One day, while driving to work, I was contemplating some of these concepts, and what came to mind was an ocean, and one little drop of water, standing on the ocean. The drop looked around, and reached down and pulled up the water on all sides of itself, then began to cry, saying,'I'm alone, I'm alone!!' The ocean rolled it's eyes, (yes, I have a very long drive, and no, I didn't run into anybody :lol: ) like 'Oh, boy, kids'. I laughed all the way to work, in joy, really, that 'They' would go to such great lengths, and give such great visual aides, in order to help me understand these concepts. Ya gotta luv 'em.
oma

T'Shilah

Re: Writitis and Ego

Post by T'Shilah » Fri Jun 24, 2005 11:07 am

I have not said much, well, anything really. Firstly, I would like to thank you for your contribution to all of us, as I have found your posts to be truly insightful.
Thank you Blue Eagle. Sometimes I still tend to self doubt. I am just beginning to reconnect with any strength and I know I tend to go on and on. I'm happy to hear that what I give is useful.

I have so many questions. Feel like a sponge that was used to clean up all the yuck and now I'm being wrung out while fresh water is being poured in.

I know that soon I will get over the MEness of all this and be more able to contribute to others. That is happening in my posts, too, I know. There is so much to give inside and so much awareness that I feel a need to teach as well and you guys are it for now. LOL I know you all probably know as much or more than I do but in giving I recieve so much more from your responses, then I grow more toward a stable Polarization.
Just something I’ve learned while here; embrace what your heart wants to write. In my case, my heart usually tends to be more right than my mind. :)
Thank you. Mine too.
A question, which entity Ego or Soul does the learning? How I understand it, they both do, but the Soul chooses the next incarnation, because the Ego is a facet of our development into this density, and not necessarily able to see what is truly needed due to “ego”. Insights?
I will use the words : Tend to believe because I am not sure yet but this is what I feel intuitively. Knowing that almost everything I have ever felt intuitively, Ra states as true. Talk about a mind blower! I can't begin to describe how I felt when Dave found Ra and started reading to me. I've become voracious in reading Ra material. Everyone I've lived this life with thought I was nuts for my opinions and views. What relief!!! :D

I tend to see Ego as a "Baby Creation" of Soul. Soul creates the body for this density and creates Ego/Baby Soul. I also tend to believe that as the Creator/One allows us, It's Creations, free will, so do we allow Ego, our creations, free will.

Like play dough. We can create over and over (multiple lifetimes) until we get it right (during which time, Soul learns and experiences through a form of osmosis - some getting stuck in the learning experiences by becoming attached to their project and the feelings of the lower densities). Then the perfected Ego becomes integrated with Soul on a higher level. I think this is what makes up the group complex just as we Souls, make up the group complex of the Creator/One.

T'Shilah

Re:

Post by T'Shilah » Fri Jun 24, 2005 12:05 pm

My understanding is ego is a manifestation of the physical self, and not apparent in the non-physical entity, unless the physical entity has chosen to so identify with the ego, that it carries it's essence into the non-physical state. Ego therefore is a result of the incarnation into the physical realm.
BlueEagle wrote:A question, which entity Ego or Soul does the learning?
That is my understanding as well, with the addition that Soul chooses to accept Enlightened Baby Soul/Ego as a refined and finished Soul.
As we understand, soul already knows, it is ego that strives to re-join with the One.

Yes, I agree because Ego, being the equivalent of a Baby Soul, wants to go to the home it senses through Soul.
However, in actuality, we have never left the One, and all this could be said to be an illusion created by the ego, for it's own viewing pleasure :lol
Is it created by Ego or could it be created for Soul to create within, containing the more negative polarity to the lower levels of existence?
One day, while driving to work, I was contemplating some of these concepts, and what came to mind was an ocean, and one little drop of water, standing on the ocean. The drop looked around, and reached down and pulled up the water on all sides of itself, then began to cry, saying,'I'm alone, I'm alone!!' The ocean rolled it's eyes, (yes, I have a very long drive, and no, I didn't run into anybody :lol: ) like 'Oh, boy, kids'. I laughed all the way to work, in joy, really, that 'They' would go to such great lengths, and give such great visual aides, in order to help me understand these concepts. Ya gotta luv 'em.
Did you read the description of what I experienced during meditation as soon as I started again? It was right before discovering Ra.

I was suddenly somewhere that appeared to be the Source/One. I saw a light being shoot up out of the energy I was looking at. I first thought it to just be light, then it reached out and clothed itself with a form from the energy it was in/on. I felt it was to show me it is intelligent. It looked at me with mild interest as though to say what are you doing here?
Then I was back in my body.

What you wrote is nearly identical, just different visuals. Somebody, I think it was Lonebear, said that was probably me looking at self/(I assume he meant Soul).

I felt it was Soul looking at either my group complex or one I have an affinity with or the Creator Energy.

Thank you for allowing me to share and sharing with me. This is heartwarming for me after so many years of sporadic communication with anyone who even remotely understood these things. What joy this is!

User avatar
dbeaman1
Centurio
Centurio
Posts: 197
Joined: Sun Feb 06, 2005 6:41 pm
Location: missouri

Re:

Post by dbeaman1 » Sat Jun 25, 2005 11:04 am

T'Shilah wrote:
That is my understanding as well, with the addition that Soul chooses to accept Enlightened Baby Soul/Ego as a refined and finished Soul.
Yes, I agree because Ego, being the equivalent of a Baby Soul, wants to go to the home it senses through Soul.
Something about the concept of baby soul/ego doesn't feel right to me, however, I have nothing substantial to base this feeling on. Therefore, I will have to wait until I am led to this concept, or the feeling is validated for me. :wink:


T'Shilah wrote:Is it created by Ego or could it be created for Soul to create within, containing the more negative polarity to the lower levels of existence?
As I understand it, the true soul has no need to experience polarities, for what is all-encompassing has no opposites. However, the message I was given regarding being in service to the feminine aspect of the creator doesn't make sense in light of this. This is one of the puzzles I am hoping to discuss with Bear at the gathering. He is a great puzzle-solver. :D
Speaking of puzzles, I recently read a book which feels very right to me, "The Disappearance of the Universe". Has anyone here read it?


T'Shilah wrote:Did you read the description of what I experienced during meditation as soon as I started again? It was right before discovering Ra.

I was suddenly somewhere that appeared to be the Source/One. I saw a light being shoot up out of the energy I was looking at. I first thought it to just be light, then it reached out and clothed itself with a form from the energy it was in/on. I felt it was to show me it is intelligent. It looked at me with mild interest as though to say what are you doing here?
Then I was back in my body.
Don't you love it when that happens!
T'Shilah wrote:Thank you for allowing me to share and sharing with me. This is heartwarming for me after so many years of sporadic communication with anyone who even remotely understood these things. What joy this is!
Yes, this group is like finding an oasis in the middle of a very large desert. Totaly unexpected, and very welcome :D
oma

User avatar
LoneBear
Legatus Legionis
Legatus Legionis
Posts: 3943
Joined: Thu Jul 22, 2004 12:38 am
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Contact:

Re:

Post by LoneBear » Sat Jun 25, 2005 12:36 pm

dbeaman1 wrote:Speaking of puzzles, I recently read a book which feels very right to me, "The Disappearance of the Universe". Has anyone here read it?
I had picked it up, but now I can't find it. I guess it was one of the first to go... :)

As far as the development of the ego, soul, self, etc., I read a very good book on it when I was first starting out on the Magnum Opus; the Great Work. It is called "Psychosynthesis", by Roberto Assagioli. I found it a great help in understanding how the various parts of my psyche work together to create a more complete and total "be-ing." I recommend it highly.

Structural models of the human psyche vary, but the general consensus is this:

Persona: what our consciousness creates "on the fly" to interact with others. Persona usually doesn't last outside the interaction, and is highly dynamic.

Ego: responsible for survival of the mind/body/spirit complex. It contains the instincts and base emotions derived from collective sources, so you know to run away from that lion without having to experience getting eaten by lion to learn that it was dangerous. Ego generates persona to attract/repel others, as it sees fit within its valuing systems.

Self: the rational components of the psyche; thinking and feeling. Does the value judgements that result in your free-will choices. (Reactive choices, like jumping out of the way, are done by the Ego).

Higher Self: the non-local aspect of Self that has metaphysical ability. It provides the insights that cannot be reasoned directly by the Self.

Now break these down into three aspects: unconscious, sub-conscious and conscious. We see these manifest as apprehension, awareness and comprehension as unconscious content is brought into consciousness.

For me, I separate "soul" and "spirit". We have, by the Ra definitions, a mind/body/SPIRIT complex -- no "soul" in there. But we have also learned that there are inverses to each complex; the inverse of the mind is the brain; the inverse of the body is the astral body, and that makes the inverse of the spirit is the SOUL.

So, in more detail, we have both a mind/body/spirit and brain/astral/soul complex, depending upon your point of view.

Alluvion
Legatus Legionis
Legatus Legionis
Posts: 1125
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 12:37 pm

Re:

Post by Alluvion » Sun Jun 26, 2005 1:16 am

Don't you love it when that happens!
T'Shilah wrote:Thank you for allowing me to share and sharing with me. This is heartwarming for me after so many years of sporadic communication with anyone who even remotely understood these things. What joy this is!
Yes, this group is like finding an oasis in the middle of a very large desert. Totaly unexpected, and very welcome :D[/quote]


Hey deb,
I know the oasis + desert imagery is used often but its exactley the situation I was writing through with my personal 'wanderer story' as suggested by quo. However my oasis was at one point a cave, then a band of travelors, and at another point an actual oasis. Just interesting to see a similar analogy here.

_A

T'Shilah

Re:

Post by T'Shilah » Sun Jun 26, 2005 2:10 am

I'll be back to answer these posts later. My answer to Lonebear, on vMeme took all the time I have today.
You are all so wonderful. I am thoroughly enjoying the growth experience you afford me in your communications.
You are making me think with clarity again and are always there to help me when I feel overwhelmed. I cannot describe how much that means to me.

Starlight*
Cellarius
Cellarius
Posts: 429
Joined: Fri May 13, 2005 7:50 pm
Location: Texas
Contact:

Re: An Awakening Wanderer

Post by Starlight* » Mon Jun 27, 2005 9:32 pm

Hi, T'Shilah,

Thank you for expressing yourself so lovingly.

You touched base on alot of things that resonate with me, you've made me realized how little I have expressed myself here. I have found it difficult to jot things down, they come to fast for me to write them and truly want to speak from the heart and not so much from my mind. Too many times I been told I talk to much. Not that it has stopped me from talking and expressing myself. I guess that's why I made "my story" so short.

I have had some of the struggles you've mentioned with my mate, so I understand where your coming from. The ones we are closest to are usually our biggest and hardest challenge, they are the most painful and the ones we could learn from the most.

My heart goes out to you.


For when I am weak, than I am strong.

Love of One
Carmen
Last edited by Starlight* on Wed Jun 29, 2005 4:19 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Post Reply