Common Courtesy

Discussion of the basic concepts and philosophy behind the idea of a Sanctuary; a place where those exhibiting traits of the next generation of man can meet and learn, without prejudice or bias.
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LoneBear
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Common Courtesy

Post by LoneBear » Thu Sep 29, 2016 8:15 pm

I was out doing errands today and was getting rather upset by the complete lack of common courtesy, particularly by young people. I saw some kid with his pants half way down his butt let a door slam into the face of an elderly lady exiting with a walking stick... didn't even notice, let alone care. And with the smartPhone obsession, it's getting to the point of ridiculous. When basic courtesies are ignored--there are usually "consequences." One of the things I learned from the 1973 musical, Lost Horizon, was that "a little courtesy, all the way around, can smooth over the most difficult of problems."

So, I did a little research on the subject... (note that this is American/Western European "common courtesy"):
How to Have Common Courtesy wrote:Everything you do makes an impression on people.
Being a discourteous offender will catch up to you someday.
Elephant Journal wrote:The milk of human kindness is curdling and soon will be sold as Greek Yogurt.
Being courteous means putting yourself in the other persons shoes instead of thinking of yourself first. It means doing something without being asked and this is not a one time event. Once you pick up bad habits and behaviors, especially from watching and learning from other people, they become "normal."

Here's a partial list I of "common courtesies" that I found online from a number of sites. This is basically what is expected in social interactions between strangers:
  • On the Road - Try to be generous and let other drivers out of side roads when their trying to get out. Don't tail the person in front of you and use your signals in plenty of time for the person behind you. Don't take up two spaces in the parking lot. Most of all, be courteous of other peoples property and don't bang your door into their car.
  • At work- Holding the elevator is a nice gesture. Pushing the floor buttons for the other person is even a nicer one. Holding the door is very courteous too. In the business world, its always courteous to say "hello" and "goodbye". If you are on the phone at work, its always wise not to slam the phone down, as this type of discourtesy may leave a bad impression on the other end. Making coffee after you drank the last cup would probably be a good thing as well.
  • Entering or exiting a building: look behind you to see whether anyone else is coming through the same door in the next 5 seconds. If the door will slam in the face of the person behind you, hold it open.
  • If you see someone right outside, and opening the door would involve no more effort than extending your arm, go ahead and give it a push.
  • If you see someone carrying boxes, ask if there's a door you can open.
  • When smoking, don't huddle right outside the doors to the building. Nobody wants to walk through a cloud of smoke every time they need to enter or exit. (Most counties have a 25-foot rule--you need to be 25 feet from an entrance/exit to smoke.)
  • Say "excuse me" rather than just pushing past people in a crowd or a constricted space.
  • Wave to, nod, or mouth "thank you" to drivers who stop for you to cross on a pedestrian crossing. It's the law for them to stop, but it's still polite when they do because many don't.
  • If possible, leave space on the sidewalk so others don't have to walk in water, mud, or snow.
  • If you're walking in a group and one person comes in the opposite direction, move behind someone in your group so the person passing can use the sidewalk as well.
  • And be careful how you maneuver with that umbrella.
  • DON'T interrupt someone while they're talking, no matter how insightful you think what you have to say is. This is one of the rudest things one could do in a conversation, though oftentimes people simply aren't aware that they are guilty of doing it. Instead, 1. make sure they've finished speaking and making their point, 2. *wait a half-second*, and then 3. go ahead and say what you wanted to say. And if you miss your chance because someone else chimed in before you, then oh well, life goes on. You're not as interesting as you think, anyway.
  • Don't write things in ALL CAPS. or all lowercase, for that matter. Ever.
  • When watching a movie when other people are present, don't talk.
  • If you cook in a kitchen clean up after yourself, especially if you are using other people's cookware. Don't leave the stove top a mess!
  • Don't take other people's ingredients. Don't use other people's cookware to store your food in.
  • Don't destroy or abuse property. Particularly not if it belongs to somebody else.
  • Turn off the television when you leave and no one else is watching, even if it's a TV in a public space.
  • Don't steal.
  • Keep in mind that you live with other people. Playing music loudly late at night when people are trying to sleep or study, especially after having been requested to turn it down, is incredibly rude. Be considerate and use common sense. (Common sense is something else that has gone missing...)
  • Make sure the toilet actually flushes when you go. It's gross to have to flush someone elses bodily functions for them.
  • If there is a woman around, put seats down on toilets after you use them so they don't fall in.
  • Refrain from flinging your door wide open and letting it SLAM! behind you, creating a deafening crash. This is highly annoying no matter what time of day it is.
  • Knock the lint out of the lint screen after you use the dryer.
  • If the room is empty, and you're leaving, turn off the lights.
  • Do not litter.
  • When engaged in debate, distinguish between criticisms of your argument and criticisms of your character.
  • Before entering a classroom, a library, a concert, a lecture, a play, or a movie, put your cell phone on vibrate. PLEASE. (How about just turn it off or silence it completely? You can't answer it, why should you care if it's ringing?)
  • If you are in a dark space with others, such as a movie, don't text-message. The light from the screen is bright and very obnoxious.
  • Do not speak during performances (music, film, stage, etc).
  • Applaud someone's efforts to entertain you.
  • Do not eat candy or chew gum in church.
  • If you use up the toilet paper, replace the roll before you leave.
  • Don't put empty cartons back in the fridge.
  • If you're healthy and can stand, yield your seat/space to someone who isn't.
  • Treat others with respect.
  • Be honest in your business dealings.
  • Unless the elevator is free of other people, personal conversations should remain just that.
  • ASK to borrow something, then bring it back in the same condition you found it.
  • Do not show up at someone's home/apartment and expect them to drop everything to entertain you. Make mutual plans in advance.
  • Always apologize when you do something wrong.
  • When you change your plans, let others know.
  • Never embarrass another person, unless you are from a planet in the barred spiral galaxy on the Cepheus-Draco border.
  • When refusing an invitation, be kind and honest.
  • Respect your elders.
  • Use good table manners.
  • Always offer to share the last piece of food with others--do not just grab it for yourself.
Thinking about it, I think the first semester of Sanctuary School should have the mandatory courses of: Common Courtesy, Common Sense and Humor.
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Re: Common Courtesy

Post by Ilkka » Fri Sep 30, 2016 10:15 am

This is all so obvious and axiomatic to me, since I grew up with this kind of common courtesy stuff. Cant even remember who taught me into this, maybe both parents, grandparents and school system in the early years of it. Dont know but I guess they teach better today in this country at least or have left that stuff for the parents. The technology might be of blame here, since it occupies one into entertainment and the kids dont watch "Moomin" anymore, that was one teacher of such courtesies among some other kids cartoons, that panda "Tao Tao" I think was its name, was one of my favourites as well. I didn't watch Teletubbies, since I was too old for that stuff when it got popular.
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Re: Common Courtesy

Post by DSKlausler » Fri Sep 30, 2016 10:54 am

LoneBear wrote:Thinking about it, I think the first semester of Sanctuary School should have the mandatory courses of: Common Courtesy, Common Sense and Humor.
Common Sense cannot be taught... even Humor would be difficult if at all possible.
Anything is possible with the proper training.

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Re: Common Courtesy

Post by DSKlausler » Fri Sep 30, 2016 11:01 am

Ilkka wrote:...but I guess they teach better today in this country
That may be... in the U.S.: forget about it (public school anyway).
Ilkka wrote:The technology might be of blame here.
Hmmm, only in that the morons would walk into traffic with their faces buried in the idiotronic device.

Personally, I'm heavy into blaming the parents [in youth], and then simply self-serving, ignorant assholes as adults.
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Re: Common Courtesy

Post by joeyv23 » Fri Sep 30, 2016 1:38 pm

DSKlausler wrote:
LoneBear wrote:Thinking about it, I think the first semester of Sanctuary School should have the mandatory courses of: Common Courtesy, Common Sense and Humor.
Common Sense cannot be taught... even Humor would be difficult if at all possible.
The only hope I see for these things would be to lead by example. If a person who lacks common courtesy finds themselves surrounded by people who do not, they may very well try to conform to the social norm of the group after a certain amount of time. I'm of the mind that humor can be learned but that being possible because the trait is within our genetic makeup, you just have to find and activate the right sequence of coding.
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Re: Common Courtesy

Post by Ilkka » Sat Oct 01, 2016 1:55 am

DSKlausler wrote:Personally, I'm heavy into blaming the parents [in youth], and then simply self-serving, ignorant assholes as adults.
This is also very true. Parents are the first to blame of course, then it falls into the society, which includes technology, friends, bullies and so on.

Not to mention entertainment here of course, which is more abundant and stupid today than it was over 20 years ago and beyond. Idiocrazy is already here, like in the movie.
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Re: Common Courtesy

Post by Andrew » Sat Oct 01, 2016 9:40 am

I like the idea, LB. Common Courtesy as a mandatory beginner's course shows that it is something of value to everyone and why. Of course, there will be the Freds and Georges of Harry Potter, but overall, a consensus can be reached through explanation, demonstration, and observation that we are not baboons with our butts hanging out.

The humor section doesn't necessarily mean how to be funny, but to show that we don't have to be so serious about everything all of the time. Also, what is a laugh? How does it come to be through our bodies? Why does it have healing powers? Is there a reciprocal function in laughter? Also, contrast the knowledge of humor to what is considered humorous today. It retards one's mental development living in a culture that values stupidity; that is, stupid rationality, and ignorant, purely selfish, and solopsistic behavior.

Common Sense can address that it makes sense to live in harmony with natural laws. Working against natural laws results in suffering. The cause of the stupidity as described above is willful ignorance (not nescience in the age of the internet) of natural law, prescribing only to man's law (artifical reality), and as a result, losing your mind and senses that exist and function only by nature's laws. Just because you can have your genitalia changed to the other sex doesn't mean your body will start producing that sex's reproductive material.
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Re: Common Courtesy

Post by LoneBear » Sat Oct 01, 2016 11:58 am

Common courtesy is a learned behavior, just as being discourteous is. Most of us pick it up our courtesies from television and school, as we learn to interact socially. See Etiquette.
Andrew wrote:The humor section doesn't necessarily mean how to be funny, but to show that we don't have to be so serious about everything all of the time. Also, what is a laugh? How does it come to be through our bodies? Why does it have healing powers? Is there a reciprocal function in laughter? Also, contrast the knowledge of humor to what is considered humorous today. It retards one's mental development living in a culture that values stupidity; that is, stupid rationality, and ignorant, purely selfish, and solipsistic behavior.
Excellent observations. Care to write up a course outline?

I was talking with Joey the other day and he was saying he wanted to teach--perhaps this would be a good starting point. Define the courses and teach them at the community centers. That way we can get feedback and refine the courses so they are ready to go for a larger system.

To see something of this nature put into practice, take a look at this 3 1/2 minute video from The Dick Van Dyke show, describing why slapstick is not funny:


Andrew wrote:Common Sense can address that it makes sense to live in harmony with natural laws. Working against natural laws results in suffering. The cause of the stupidity as described above is willful ignorance (not nescience in the age of the internet) of natural law, prescribing only to man's law (artifical reality), and as a result, losing your mind and senses that exist and function only by nature's laws. Just because you can have your genitalia changed to the other sex doesn't mean your body will start producing that sex's reproductive material.
Common sense is a basic ability to perceive, understand, and judge things that is shared by ("common to") nearly all people and can reasonably be expected of nearly all people without need for debate.

Some common sense related by Mork from Ork:
  • Never sit down with a pocket full of caterpillars.
  • Never put out a campfire with your face.
  • Never go skinny-dipping in a pool of Parana.
  • Never yell out closed windows.
It is basically a natural ability to see a potentially dangerous consequence of an action, which is a survival function of the ego. Consider some "common sense" such as, "don't stare at your phone while driving." Currently, 25% of car accidents are due to this lack of common sense. I find it curious that in an ego-driven society, the basic functions of the ego are ignored.
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Re: Common Courtesy

Post by joeyv23 » Sat Oct 01, 2016 6:44 pm

LoneBear wrote:I was talking with Joey the other day and he was saying he wanted to teach--perhaps this would be a good starting point. Define the courses and teach them at the community centers. That way we can get feedback and refine the courses so they are ready to go for a larger system.
I can probably incorporate common courtesy into a self help type of seminar where it's being used as a means of creating a positive resonant feedback. "You get what you give" kind of thing. It occurs to me just now that better than community centers might be addiction recovery centers. I don't know that I'd be able to fill seats at a community center with no reputation behind me. I could easily establish this with addiction centers. I think it's likely that we'd be more apt to find people who would genuinely appreciate the discourse in this type of environment than in a general community center.
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Re: Common Courtesy

Post by Ilkka » Sun Oct 02, 2016 12:32 am

joeyv23 wrote:I can probably incorporate common courtesy into a self help type of seminar where it's being used as a means of creating a positive resonant feedback. "You get what you give" kind of thing.
It just popped into my mind that some old video clips of that teach common courtesy might be something to think about, perhaps even make new ones if not found in anywhere. Even simple pictures/drawings will show the do's and the don'ts better than just text on a screen. For me that is of course. Also there could be humor involved in video clips too.
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Re: Common Courtesy

Post by Lozion » Mon Oct 03, 2016 7:12 pm

Basically a tenet of STO and sadly becoming rarer..
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Re: Common Courtesy

Post by Andrew » Tue Oct 04, 2016 7:40 pm

Add this to the list of common courtesies:

Sneeze into your arm, not your hands.
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Re: Common Courtesy

Post by Ilkka » Wed Oct 05, 2016 8:26 am

Andrew wrote:Sneeze into your arm, not your hands.
Nor towards another person. :D

I sometimes sneeze into my jacket or under my shirt if I am quick enough.
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Re: Common Courtesy

Post by MrTwig » Tue Nov 01, 2016 8:08 pm

I have found that Common Courtesy and Common Sense are a misnomer for the common people. There is no such thing as a common person. Everyone is different in some way or another. Everyone has the capacity to change their social habits. Some people have really good social habits and other do not. For me, I always try to respect others and show courtesies such as describe by the article LoneBear posted. But, even if you are total self-less, most-likely someone will point out you missed some Courtesy that you did not take into account.
I would like to ask also, How many friends do you have if you are using Common Courtesy?

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Re: Common Courtesy

Post by Ilkka » Wed Nov 02, 2016 2:43 pm

MrTwig wrote:I would like to ask also, How many friends do you have if you are using Common Courtesy?
I am not sure they are connected in such a way that would be important at all. Its like you said that everyone is unique so there are no common persons. For one I do not have friends like at all, but I am using common courtesy as a general principle. Well, not if people are rude to me, then I can be quite rude back at them.

I can't consider you all in this forum as my friends per se, because I haven't met you lot in real-life. My definition for friend is kinda old fashioned (probably) in that way.
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